It's something with Sweden ... As soon as I come back I'm constantly thinking of Jon. I don't know why. I miss him so much. I don't know but I'm feeling so alone these days! And I'm doing nearly anything to get some attention and "love" cuz what I get it's not real. No one is serious with me. I've dated a few guys now this last year. But I don't know. No one seams to want me... I guess I need to raise my standards a bit but I can't. I'm so broken I just wanna feel some love again. If only just for a wile. But I don't trust anyone. Everyone I've met lets me down. So I just gets deeper and deeper down this greave I'm in... I need someone who can bring me back up to the cerfice. I love Jon of all my heart but I need to move on and I can't. It's so hard! I'm so greatfull the shows goes so well for me. I just wish I could win a big final at some point. I got a new sponsor when we went to Poland and I'm so greatfull for that. That helped me a lot to keep fighting and that I might get noticed at some point. I fight everyday to keep my head up. In/with everything I do. I have so nice people around me who helps me through everyday. God bless u guys! But in the end of the day I'm still alone in my bed and thinking of everything I just to have and what I have today. And don't give me wrong now but I love the life I have. But I want someone to share it with. I don't think I've celebrated one victory during this last year... I also know that there is so many people who got it way worse then what I do. And like I've just said I'm so greatfull for my life and I do, do the best out of it. But I still miss my Jon terrible who always was on/by my side. I'm selfish I know! Xoxo / H