Hi everyone I'm sorry I haven't been written about how I'm doing. And the fact is I don't know... It's been more than 3 years now. But I don't think I quite get it yet.
Last night was rough I cried so hard, so so hard. Like I haven't done in years. I don't know why it just came. I've been really down recently for about the last 9 months. Sometimes I get happier but deep inside me I'm still so depressed.
I live in Spain now. In Barcelona! A dream come true. And it helps. When I'm there I don't think about it quite as much as I do when I'm in Sweden. And the weather helps. It helps me to go out everyday and to want to be out all days. Witch is good. The only place where in truly happy is in the stable. And the stable here is lush with a lot of nice people to destract your self with.
Life is different but my feelings are the same. And I miss him terribly terribly. I still cry a lot. Every time I go in a plane is torture for me. I just want to see him when I'm up in heaven. But he's not there, so where is he??? He must have gone to heaven? He was a good guy! Sometimes I imagine him next to me. Specially when I'm alone at night. But that just makes it worse. I have to be so busy all the time to not to think about it. I feel really sad when I see people getting married and having babies, I'm happy for them but I just thinking of what I missed. And when people ask me if I'm not getting married soon or having babies soon. I getting really upset. They just mean well and not everyone knows. But it's hard. It's so hard. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing left to fight for. I try to make the best out of my life but it's hard when that special person is not there with u.
Sorry for this guys. Hope u all having a good day. Bless u all!! Xx

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