I had a dream last night! It was so real! We were at home like in the old good times. My Jon and puppies. I woke up in the morning and it was a snowstorm. Snowing like hell. But I wanted to go out for a walk so I did. I walked on the big road all the way to the exit to the motorway. I was looking for something but I can't remember what. When I got there something scared me and I rushed away quickly and accidentally dropped my phone. I walked and walked but the snow was so havy and there was no road to walk on. I was tiered and then there's a big big lorry coming and I was thinking I have to hide. So I hide behind a building so he could pass without running me over. I wanted to call Jon so he could come and help me. I was tiered cold and wet. And all of a sudden he turns up on he's snowmobile with puppies as well coming to pick me up and bring me home. I kissed him and told him that I thought I lost him and that I was never gonna see him again. He said that I was silly as always and that he's not going anywhere. I cuddled him and kissed him and everything felt complete again. And I instantly got happy for a second.
I miss it so much. Him with the snow our dog and everything that comes with it. Life is so unfear. I miss him so much no one can understand!!

Why did he die before we started living??? Everyday I get reminded of him of the things we used to have. The things we should of had. I still dream of him and hoping that one day I'll wake up and everything was just a dream. Sometimes I think like that what if it's me who is dead? And I'm just dreaming my life right now? I know it's silly but sometimes it feels a little better to think like that. I miss him so much and I can't stop thinking is this my life now??? Am I ever gonna experience love again? True love? I don't think so... But I hope I'm wrong cuz without love life is not worth living. I see pictures of old couple dying together and thinking that should have been us. Living a long life together and then slowly dying together... Now I'm here alone with my thoughts and no one to share them with... My current bf is nice but he's not him he can't be and he never will be. I can't share things with him he wouldn't understand and he would get hurt and I don't want to hurt him.
Xoxo ?