It's been a few days now! But I've been fine not to sad loads to do and getting ready for Spain. But tonight I hade a moment. I've been watching Grey's Anatomy season 5 episode 22 witch is the one were Issi Stevens is getting married. The same day she founds out that she is gonna die! The wedding is so beautiful and absolutely stunning!!! Her dress is perfect and the church is full of purple and pink flowers with loads of candles. It's a dream wedding!!! My dream wedding!!! And then I turn a bit selfish again and thinking about my wedding that should have been last summer. And then I start crying cuz Jon s not here and I didn't get my dream wedding!!! I do want to get married so badly. But I want to get married to only one person who doesn't exist any more. And that is so heart breaking you can't understand. And I asking myself everyday why we didn't get married strait away?! Why wait? If u love someone and want to get married. Do it!!! You never now if you gonna be alive tomorrow?! The longer the time passes the more afraid I get of dying. Cuz I don't want to die alone. At least Jon wasn't alone and it was so quick. But who says I'm gonna be that lucky? My biggest dream in life is not to be the best rider ever! Or winning the Olympics! It is to get a big fabulous wedding and be in a happy marriage with a beautiful husband who I love and who loves me over everything in the world! That's my biggest dream and I thought until a year ago I had founded it!!! Life is short people. Take care of eatch other!
Love u all
Xoxo H

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