It's soon all over now! And it makes me so sad... I have a big lump in my beli I don't want to go back... I know everything good comes to an end but it breaks my heart. The horses are really tiered tho. So ofc I need to go home. But I just wish I had another place to call home... I love my yard and my family and with out that I wouldn't make it. But it's so far away... I've had a great time here and met some amazing people, and I'm so scared of loosing them. Cuz that's just what my life seams to be about loosing the people I really like and love. I'm also gonna admit that I've found love down here.. But I'm afraid it will end now when this is over. I don't know if I'm in love but I do really like this guy. He is the first person I've really felt anything fore after Jon. He is far from Jon, but I've realized that everything Jon had/were , I'm now. If that makes any sens I don't know? But to spend all thouse years with him changed me into a much better person and I'm so sad I wasn't that person when I was with him. He deserved that! But I'm changed now. And with that I think I can handle a different typ of guy.
I don't know what gonna happened but I do have really strong feelings for him. But I also know he doesn't feel the same way as I. Witsh breaks my heart a bit. And I try to keep my feelings for my self and not to fall in love. Cuz I don't want to lose my heart again. But one part of me just want to try it out and to fall in love again. I don't know what to do. Everything is so painful. My love to Jon will always be the same. Even that it seams like a life time ago sens I saw him...
The problem is that I think it's gonna be hard for me to take the next step as long as I live back home. I need something new. A new chapter in my life. And I do know that my future is not in Sweden. But for now I haven't got much options and I just have to deal with it. But something must happen soon otherwise I'm gonna lose it.. I'm afraid...
Only 4 more days to go then I've 4 nights of driving. The trip is planed we leave on Monday midday and drive for 16h to Lyon where we do our first stop on Tuesday morning. Then we have a 12h drive up to Essen for the next stop and then 9h maybe up to Malmo and then the last 12 up to soderhamn. It's a long fucking way to go...
Well E Lucky has been the big star through this tour she has developed so much and been taking tons of prices. I have big hopes for her for this season.
Refrang is back on track but is still for sale.
Finlandia was more difficult than I expected her to be on bigger fenses but I think I've founded a system how to work her out. Caretto is exactly the same as this time last year 140 feels sometimes hard and sometimes easy. Just as she felt last year at 130 level. So a few months and then she should be good on this level to.
Nilla has been un lucky on this trip. She got sick when she got down here and it took her a few weeks to recover. Unfortunately she lost so much weight and muscles it will take her a long time to be fully back to normal again. But she has done a few good rounds in 130. Last week she was clear on fences but got scared of something at the side and took a few step backwards so that gived her 4 faults.
The party's her are amazing. Spanish people is crazy but I love it. At Sunday night we didn't go to sleep until 7 am. And at some another times we got back from the club at 5am.
But I feel a little bit like you only live once.
Now I'm sitting outside in the grass and enjoying the sun. Cuz soon I'm gonna be far far away from it. I DONT WANT TO!!!
Xoxo H

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Today I was talking about u. It had me remembering things about u. Things how u always came with a smile everyday how u laught and was so so silly all the time. How u made me so happy and when I was sad u always knew what to say to make me happy. U m...

Today I was talking about u. It had me remembering things about u. Things how u always came with a smile everyday how u laught and was so so silly all the time. How u made me so happy and when I was sad u always knew what to say to make me happy. U m...

I had a dream last night! It was so real! We were at home like in the old good times. My Jon and puppies. I woke up in the morning and it was a snowstorm. Snowing like hell. But I wanted to go out for a walk so I did. I walked on the big road all the...

Why did he die before we started living??? Everyday I get reminded of him of the things we used to have. The things we should of had. I still dream of him and hoping that one day I'll wake up and everything was just a dream. Sometimes I think like th...

Yesterday we were on my cousins hen night. It was a really emotional one for everyone but in different ways. For me it was a bit horrible. I was thinking how my hen night would have been. How I would have feel, the happiness and the love I would have...