What ever I do it goes wrong right now! I constantly get heart broken from every guy I see. No one seams to care enough about me. People tell me "do what feels right and best at the moment" and so I do. Living day by day. But that has just left me with a bigger and bigger whole in my heart. Cuz I get attached ! I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. I do. I was thinking the other day about guys and that I can only remember one guy who has said "you are so beautiful" why is that? Why can't guys say what they think! Or maybe I'm not beautiful?? But one thing they can all say.. "I don't want anything serious!" Why??? I don't get it??? I need a shoulder to rest on right now. I'm bored of this. The best night I've had for nearly two years now was the other day/week, when I was just relaxing with a guy. No sex. Just kisses and cuddles and movie! That was the best night! And I felt good and not just used. I'm so amazed how the world works, and how little people love each other. Or maybe what the do to the people the love! It makes me scared! Someone told me a few weeks ago.. "U can't trust anyone in this world" and this world means our horse world/business! It's unik in many ways.. People tells me "u living the dream" and yes I do, but every dream has it's price. And u don't know how much it's gonna cost u until u are there! I don't wanna change the life I have. Cuz it is a dream come true. But if someone had told me befor what this meant and what I had to sacrifice I wouldn't have done it. I had this chance for many years ago to. But I didn't take it, I chose Jon! And I would still do every day! Cuz without the support this gets pretty hard and very lonely... U will see pictures from the beach in Spain from prices on big shows but remember, in the end of the day, I'm all alone!