Home from England. Work for a few days and on Monday of to NYC. Exciting life? Probably!
Hade a great time in the UK. Good shopping. Good food as always. Love roast dinner or the roasted potatoes mainly ;) always put on a bit of weight when I'm over there. Don't understand why. ;) lovely to se my family but it just makes me miss Jon even more. :( it still feels so unreal that he's dead. I still can't understand he's not coming back. I want him back so badly. Right now I'm walking around with a big empty hole inside me. I try to fill it out with stuff but nothing can!!?! It feels so horrible. And I'm not feeling myself anymore. Christmas is coming up and all I can think of is that I don't want to celebrate it. All I can think of is last year. When my hubby was sick the last few days in he's life. He had fever and still when't out clearing snow ? he brought me an electric heating blanket for Christmas... So I could stay warm when he wasn't around he said. Why why why??? Why can't he be here with me? Why do I have to be alone??? Why me ? Why him?
I miss him so badly... It feels like I will never get over this and be able to live normal again. Will I ever find love again? Will I ever let me find it? Will I be able to love again? I just don't think so... :'( why do I have to continue living? What's the purpose with that?
I might be smiling ... Some people told me I'm always smiling. I always look so happy... ?!? Do I ?!? I might be smiling. But my heart is bleeding and I'm not really there... Trust me!
So ask again if I have an exciting life? I don't think so... ? tears is daily for me! I'M BROKEN!!! So think twice before you ask to be in my life...
Good night my friends. I do love u all, believe me!!! Xoxo

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